These are most of my Facebook status rants, I'll be posting them up mostly so I can look back and be like...
"That was good...when did you get so smart? And why aren't you like that now?"
Enjoy.
This is a public education service announcement on all things male, presented by a male.
The various content below is rated I.S.H.T.D.T. (I Shouldn't Have To Do This.) Based on repeated repeats of cheesy, stupid, ignorant statuses that only serve to decrease my faith in humanity.
ON TO THAT GOOD STUFF NOW!
Ladies, I love you to death, no joke.
90% of you don't apply to this status at all, you act like human beings, which is great?
That other 10%?
That just need to shove it?
Yeah this is for you...
Shut up.
I wish I could leave it at this...
But sadly I can't.
I'd slap some sense into you, before you turn up on stupid show Sixteen and Pregnant, but in this country that's illegal.
I, this one that people call Nathan, take it as responsibility to tell the least spoken side of every story.
So here it is.
I was raised in a environment where I didn't need to be pep' talked about how to treat the other gender.
It was never that kind of an issue, how to deal with people of different gender/ethnicity wasn't ever implied, my parents simply told me.
"Don't be dumb, don't get killed, treat people right, grow up and get out of my house."
Simple right?
Yes, that's right.
It's simple.
I like simple.
I DO not like going through a complex circus we sugarcoat and call a "relationship".
For some reason, we're trying to play this "find the one now, live happily ever after" game we saw in a Disney movie.
Which is totally right, because that crap could only happen in a Disney movie...
You see any talking deer lately?
...
Yuhp, only in a Disney movie, where it belongs...
So please, on the behalf of all sensible males, don't make it a soap opera.
I hated those shows, and if my relationship is like one, I'm going to hate it too and regret it, every single second, and I'll end up telling my kids the horror stories of getting involved with other human beings, because that's what it looks like right about now.
A Horror Story.
Its like those crazy movies called SAW?
And that weird ass puppet thing is like.
"LET'S PLAY A GAME..."
And me, not knowing what is going on, would be like, "Games!??!? I can dig it!"
No, I shouldn't have stepped into that...
I got two things going against me...
One: I wouldn't reach into my own body to get a key so I could unlock some random strangers handcuffs.
Two: I'm black, as you know, the black guy always dies in the horror movie.
No Me Gusta.
But to the main point, I should have said,
"Nope, can't even do it."
And so should have you.
I consider myself a slightly sensible male, so in that I would like to point out the many things I see in the un-sensible ladies.
Posting up.
"I wish I had a MAN in my life, I'm tired of these boys..."
Then stop being a little whiny girl {notice how I said girl, I wanted to say something else} and find yourself a man!
Oh that's right, you're going to complain about 20 year old something, about to drop out of college, dude, that doesn't take you serious because he's involved with WOMEN, not girls.
You go guns out if someone comments on how he is too old for you, and your stupid self will say "age doesn't matter"
Well why couldn't 17 year old sensible Joe, who'd treat you right, get a shot?
Because he's not your "type"...
Well he could say the same thing, he's not attracted to stupid...
Secondly, its just offensive, if you end every status with "stay classy" I'd reconsider and lead by example.
Ladies are getting cocky, I used to buy into the "girls have more sense of things, because their girls, don't question it" thing until I...
Wait...
I never bought into that.
No joke though, stop being so cocky.
Stop posting about how many guys hit on you, you're not making yourself look more like a good "catch", but more like an ass.
Stop beefing with other chicks too, I swear sometimes, I feel if I did go out with some of you, I'd be a trophy boyfriend...
Just to compare and contrast with other chicks who do or don't have boyfriends.
No Go There "Shawty"...
That the second thing on my personal check list.
Which goes:
1. Does She have intelligence?
Check.
2. Does she have integrity?
Check
3. Can she be funny? In her own unique way?
Check.
4. Is she physically attractive?
Check.
5. Would I have a good enough relationship with her parents that I could ask her FATHER if I could ask his DAUGHTER out before I ask HER out?
Check.
We good to go.
That's what some consider a sensible male, I hope I make that cut, I'm weird, my face is a little beat in, but one thing forsure is that I KNOW people are going to be my attractive then me, so I have to bring something else to the table, and she would also KNOW this too.
In my eyes, and the eyes of many other gentlemen, you are more then a pretty face.
You could one day be my spouse.
And I want my spouse to be fully confident in my love for them, and like wise.
She's my queen, her throne is next to mine, not smaller, not less blinged out.
In the words of TI.
"She can get what I get!"
And that's how it should be, 50/50.
That perfect balance.
There are plenty sensible ladies out there, I'm blind to you sometimes, but character beats body.
Your yoga pants do any good on saving a marriage gone wrong, so bring character to the game, their are plenty great FEMALE examples that I can think right off the top of my head.
It's not too hard.
Just sayin.
"That was good...when did you get so smart? And why aren't you like that now?"
Enjoy.
This is a public education service announcement on all things male, presented by a male.
The various content below is rated I.S.H.T.D.T. (I Shouldn't Have To Do This.) Based on repeated repeats of cheesy, stupid, ignorant statuses that only serve to decrease my faith in humanity.
ON TO THAT GOOD STUFF NOW!
Ladies, I love you to death, no joke.
90% of you don't apply to this status at all, you act like human beings, which is great?
That other 10%?
That just need to shove it?
Yeah this is for you...
Shut up.
I wish I could leave it at this...
But sadly I can't.
I'd slap some sense into you, before you turn up on stupid show Sixteen and Pregnant, but in this country that's illegal.
I, this one that people call Nathan, take it as responsibility to tell the least spoken side of every story.
So here it is.
I was raised in a environment where I didn't need to be pep' talked about how to treat the other gender.
It was never that kind of an issue, how to deal with people of different gender/ethnicity wasn't ever implied, my parents simply told me.
"Don't be dumb, don't get killed, treat people right, grow up and get out of my house."
Simple right?
Yes, that's right.
It's simple.
I like simple.
I DO not like going through a complex circus we sugarcoat and call a "relationship".
For some reason, we're trying to play this "find the one now, live happily ever after" game we saw in a Disney movie.
Which is totally right, because that crap could only happen in a Disney movie...
You see any talking deer lately?
...
Yuhp, only in a Disney movie, where it belongs...
So please, on the behalf of all sensible males, don't make it a soap opera.
I hated those shows, and if my relationship is like one, I'm going to hate it too and regret it, every single second, and I'll end up telling my kids the horror stories of getting involved with other human beings, because that's what it looks like right about now.
A Horror Story.
Its like those crazy movies called SAW?
And that weird ass puppet thing is like.
"LET'S PLAY A GAME..."
And me, not knowing what is going on, would be like, "Games!??!? I can dig it!"
No, I shouldn't have stepped into that...
I got two things going against me...
One: I wouldn't reach into my own body to get a key so I could unlock some random strangers handcuffs.
Two: I'm black, as you know, the black guy always dies in the horror movie.
No Me Gusta.
But to the main point, I should have said,
"Nope, can't even do it."
And so should have you.
I consider myself a slightly sensible male, so in that I would like to point out the many things I see in the un-sensible ladies.
Posting up.
"I wish I had a MAN in my life, I'm tired of these boys..."
Then stop being a little whiny girl {notice how I said girl, I wanted to say something else} and find yourself a man!
Oh that's right, you're going to complain about 20 year old something, about to drop out of college, dude, that doesn't take you serious because he's involved with WOMEN, not girls.
You go guns out if someone comments on how he is too old for you, and your stupid self will say "age doesn't matter"
Well why couldn't 17 year old sensible Joe, who'd treat you right, get a shot?
Because he's not your "type"...
Well he could say the same thing, he's not attracted to stupid...
Secondly, its just offensive, if you end every status with "stay classy" I'd reconsider and lead by example.
Ladies are getting cocky, I used to buy into the "girls have more sense of things, because their girls, don't question it" thing until I...
Wait...
I never bought into that.
No joke though, stop being so cocky.
Stop posting about how many guys hit on you, you're not making yourself look more like a good "catch", but more like an ass.
Stop beefing with other chicks too, I swear sometimes, I feel if I did go out with some of you, I'd be a trophy boyfriend...
Just to compare and contrast with other chicks who do or don't have boyfriends.
No Go There "Shawty"...
That the second thing on my personal check list.
Which goes:
1. Does She have intelligence?
Check.
2. Does she have integrity?
Check
3. Can she be funny? In her own unique way?
Check.
4. Is she physically attractive?
Check.
5. Would I have a good enough relationship with her parents that I could ask her FATHER if I could ask his DAUGHTER out before I ask HER out?
Check.
We good to go.
That's what some consider a sensible male, I hope I make that cut, I'm weird, my face is a little beat in, but one thing forsure is that I KNOW people are going to be my attractive then me, so I have to bring something else to the table, and she would also KNOW this too.
In my eyes, and the eyes of many other gentlemen, you are more then a pretty face.
You could one day be my spouse.
And I want my spouse to be fully confident in my love for them, and like wise.
She's my queen, her throne is next to mine, not smaller, not less blinged out.
In the words of TI.
"She can get what I get!"
And that's how it should be, 50/50.
That perfect balance.
There are plenty sensible ladies out there, I'm blind to you sometimes, but character beats body.
Your yoga pants do any good on saving a marriage gone wrong, so bring character to the game, their are plenty great FEMALE examples that I can think right off the top of my head.
It's not too hard.
Just sayin.
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